Kid Jailed for “Bomb Threat” in Bathroom
Uvula, La- Local authorities have arrested a juvenile in connection to a possible bomb threat occuring late yesterday afternoon at the Greater Uvula County YWCA and Recreational Center. According to police reports eight year old Gary Pate was in the men’s restroom when the threat was created. Master Pate has confessed to writing the note. He is, however, denying that this action was performed with the intention of being a threat or in any way threatening.
Police Inspector Michael Farraday informed The Vitamin Press “Young Mr. Pate’s story does not add up. How do you accidentally threaten to blow people and places up? A threat is made with a specific and nasty goal in mind. And that is just what this fellow did.”
Counsel for Gary Pate does not agree. As Defence Attorney Lord Rederick Wiggingham III informed The Vitamin Press, “Pate was sitting in the bathroom when he decided to write ‘somebody light a match in here, because I just dropped a huge bomb,’. Clearly this statement was in reference to some bodily functions that little kids find funny.”
According to the legal system set forth by our Constitution Pate could face jailtime for this incident after having been afforded due process and a trial by a jury of his peers. Of course those actions might prove to be wholly unecessary as according to the legl system set forth by the new NDAA law Pate can be indefinately detained without trial, counsel or due process and at the pleasure of the President or his representative.