Apple Foils Samsung Defense

Silicone Peaks, CA- Attorneys for Apple confounded the courtroom today with a stunning legal maneuver that undermines Samsung’s entire defense in the ongoing battle over mobile computing devices. According to the lawsuit, brought about by Apple, Samsung violated numerous patents and copyrights when they developed and marketed their own tablet computer early last year. Amongst the violations cited by the tech giant were similarities in the devices as they were both “capable of computing” as well as “the use of a distinctive and novel form invented by Apple”.

Tasked with the herculean challenge of proving that the concept of a rectangle shaped computing device was not unique to Apple counsel for Samsung set about the business of finding examples of such a gadget that preceded the release of the iPad. Defense Lawyers seemingly hit paydirt when their investigative team found rare prints of an old film at The Library of Congress. The film, a 1938 Soviet space epic titled 2001: A Space Odyssey depicted a trip from the Earth to Saturn in a fission pulse rocket. Aiding in this trip was a sophisticated AI system codenamed SIRI and a tablet computing device eerily reminiscent of the Apple iPad.

According to Samsung attorney Ben Matlock, “The similarities between the Apple device and the one appearing in the film 2001 are striking. Almost eerily so. And not merely in the aesthetic. True the two machines are virtually indistinguishable -with the rectangular shape and screen and all- but they are nearly identical in function as well. The cosmonauts in the movie spend an awful lot of time using the device for reading and composing a sort of ‘tele-mail’ as well as reading news stories and watching a ‘tele-videos’. And in typical fashion flash video is restricted as is anything else that the consumer might desire that conflicts with the vision of the manufacturer.”

“We strongly feel that once this film is admitted into evidence it will be abundantly clear that not only is Apple not the originator of this technology but that it was almost completely anticipated by the science fiction of 73 years ago.”
Unfortunately for Matlock and the team at Samsung such evidence will likely never be admissible. Over the weekend the Apple acquisitions department quietly bought the rights to the film as well as the rights to distribution including any and all public performances. Given how detrimental the film will prove to the Cupertino companies assertions the surest course of action will be to bury the proof. Further complicating the matter are two new laws – namely SOPA (the supposed Internet anti-piracy legislation) and NDAA (the indefinitely detain any American for any reason act)- making any effort to circumvent the video copyright issues with a third party uploaded video on YouTube will result in little other than the uploader, as well as the viewer, being placed in Gitmo for the rest of their natural lives.