ATT&T . . . Screw You Guys Because You Guys Suck

So I get this email the other day. It was all like . . . “Hey . . . you guy. We are the fellows at AT&T and we want to give you something for free.” I like free stuff so I figured I would read on. It went thusly . . . . “We know your signal might kinda suck at your house so we thought we would give you this awesome device that will increase the power of your signal for a span of something like thirty feet.” I am a robot. So if there is anything I know about it is technology. Near as I could figure these AT&T guys were trying to give me some sort of repeater that would receive the cell-net signal, amplify it and then rebroadcast the augmented signal. This is not at all what it was. Instead it was something else entirely. I got the instructions out of the box and it was instructing me to attach it to my router and then program lines I wanted to call into some website. This wasn’t a repeater. This was a VOIP! So I wrote them a letter back. It went like this:

“Hey you stupid guys. You must think I am dumb. I would like to inform you that I am not dumb. As a robot my capacity for knowledge is only limited by the side of my hard drive. And as you wife can attest I got a big one of those.”

“So anyway I am not fooled by your stupid product. This thing doesn’t improve my cell signal. It routs my phone calls though my Internet and relieves that much more demand from your bandwidth. So basically your service sucks and your solution to this problem is not for you to fix your stupid service issues. Your solution is to charge me the same amount of money while encouraging me to use your product less and eat up my Internet bandwidth more. So AT&T . . . screw you guys because you guys suck!”