Jindal Disguises Skimmers as Gazan Aid Flotilla to Circumvent Coast Gaurd Blockade

Kenner, La- The Vitamin Press has just learned that over the coarse of the last three weeks Louisiana Governor Booby Gindal has been complicit in a conspiracy to disguise a congress of oil skimmers as a convoy of Gazan aid ships. The aim of of this deception was to pass the Coast Guard Blockade currently protecting the oil spill from journalists and any parties interested in cleaning the mess up. Knowing that government officials ultimately answering to President Buraq Obama would never impede vessels to Arab occupied Israel -with materials of unknown descriptions- these operatives performed with very little reticence. Once past the Coast Guard blockade the skimmers would scoop up as much oil as possible and return to shore where it was canned. The canned oil was then placed away in hopes that it could one day be sold on the open market. It this manner, it was also hoped, many residents of the area would not starve to death after the full implications of the Obama destruction of the regions oil industry came to fruition.

Everything was going according to plan until a Coast Guardian happened to notice that one of the “Gazans” was wearing a Matisyahu t-shirt under his bath robe. This person was detained and, under the duress of an interrogation method in which he was forced to watch several episodes of The View, claimed that he was Jewish he still opposed the “racist and fascist premise of Israeli’s living in Israel.” This premise was proved to be mostly false when the man, who actually was Jewish- refused to trample the Tanakh, perform a ‘sieg heil’ or press a button that he thought would lob a missile into a pizzeria full of innocent civilians in Tel Aviv.

Upon receipt of this news White House Press Secretary Barry Gibbs informed members of the WH Press Corpsemen that the President would be very upset when he learned of these happenings. Gibbs also informed these journolists that “while the President is under no circumstances to be disturbed while he is on vacation I can promise you that once he returns from Martha’s Vineyard, Spain, the golf coarse, a Broadway show, Disneyland, Disneyworld, Euro Disney, Dolly Wood and Neverland Ranch he is sure to address this matter by sending another 400 million dollars to the Palestinians -for the suffering this issue has no doubt caused them- before getting back to the really important stuff . . . like ironing out the details of tonight’s Captain and Tenile concert at the White House.”