Oxi-clean Sought for Questioning in Death of Billy Mays

After nearly a year of controversy -and three separate autopsies- the family of legendary pitchman/infomercial king Billy Mays may have finally gotten the answers, as well as the closure, that they have so desperately sought since the celebrity endorser’s passing.

Sources close to the family can now reveal that a secret fourth autopsy on the body of Billy Mays was performed late last week, the results of which are both interesting and absolutely conclusive. According to the latest findings Mays had a large amount of an unusual white substance in his body at the time of his death. Initial suspicions that the substance was cocaine were quelled by a toxicology report that indicated with a 99.7 probability of accuracy that the white compound in his body – and likely responsible for his death- was oxi-clean. This conclusion also answers a number of questions that have plagued investigators for quite a while now . . . most notably why Mays’ heart and other internal organs were so unusually free from grass and food stains as well as nasty pet odors.

Mays widow, and last person to see him alive, Keith Olbermann was not surprised at the findings. Calling Mays ” a man who would never endorse a product that he wasn’t absolutely enthusiastic about using himself.”.

Olbermann refused to comment -for The Vitamin Press- on the persistant internet rumor that Mays’ famous last words were “Bam” and “BAM!!”

Special thanks to Tim H. for bringing this story to our attention.