Mitt Romney in Serious Condition After Tragic Tanning Pill Overdose

A worried nation can breathe a collective sigh of relief this morning as doctors for former Minnesota governor, and once and future presidential candidate, Mitt Romney have downgraded the photogenic politician’s condition from critical to merely serious. Romney (who has been a patient at the Pershing General Medical Center for three days now after having been found despondent in a ball-pit at a local Chucky Cheese where he was -according to eyewitness accounts- sharing a romantic evening with an unidentified teen pop star whose initials are J.B.) is said to be in good spirits and looking forward to fully regaining his health and returning to the very important work of providing Americans with quality used vehicles at very affordable prices.

Details of the illness plaguing Romney have been sketchy so far but, through the process of a weeks long investigation of pertinent events, The Vitamin Press can now give a reasonably accurate accounting of his condition and the circumstances that led to it.  During the course of this  investigation we  learned that Romney – upset that President Buraq Obama had stolen his model for socialized medicine, added a tanning bed tax and then passed off the plan as his own- swore revenge on the Kenyan born leader of the progressively less free world by staging a private boycott of all tanning salons the world over. Unfortunately, unbeknown to Romney, his personal manager had already committed him to a charity tan off against famous CBS news anchor, and founding father, George Hamilton. Unwilling to bear the shame and humiliation of losing the match Romney pursued the only course left to him,  tanning pills.

Doctor’s expect Romney to make a full recovery.  Prospects for his political career, considering this nation is set to be administered a lethal dose of Obromny care, are rather less certain.