Kucinich to White House: You’re Always After Me Lucky Charms!

Washington-  In a stunning reversal of position Congressman Dennis Kucinich has changed his stance on the so-called health care reform bill and  pledged his support for the measure if -and when- it comes to the floor of the House for a vote.  Given Kucinich’s longstanding criticisms and general avarice for the legislation many are wondering what the impetus for this sudden about face could be.  Some have posited that the Ohio representative could not resist the famous Buraq Obama charm.  Some have guessed that his vote has been bought for hundreds of millions of dollars as was done with Senators Mary Landrieu and Ben Nelson.  Still others are under the impression that Kucinich is just a strange little man and there is no point trying to understand what goes on in his tiny little mind or how that mind may have been irreversibly damaged by years and years of high exposure to tin-foil.  The Vitamin Press, however, can report that none of these hypotheses are correct.  Our research team has just discovered that Kucinich is in fact a mythical creature often referred to as a leprechaun and as such is subject to the rules governing all such entities.  Unfortunately for Kucinich The Vitamin Press are not the only ones that are aware of his condition.  The White House has also learned the truth of Dennis Kucinich’s unique heritage and used an obscure FDR era law to steal his pot of gold.  In accordance with the long established traditions of his kind Washington’s most famous congressional troll must now do anything that the President demands of him up to and including helping  pass legislation that will rob every American man, woman and child of the sovereignty over their own bodies that has for so long been enjoyed by the citizens of this nation.