Experts Warn: JPK III May Not Be Worthy of Kennedy Legacy
Massachusetts- For the last twenty four hours rumors have been pervading the internet that Joseph P. Kennedy III, Grandson of RFK and namesake of the Kennedy scion, is seriously considering a run for congress. The response to this possibility has been largely positive but there are those out there who are not convinced that the young man from Boston has what it takes to live up to the hallowed and universally respected Kennedy name. “I’m just not convinced that this young man from Boston has what it takes to live up to the hallowed and universally respected Kennedy name,” Sage Pinebrush, political analyst and spokesperson for the environmental action group People Establishing Nature In Society, informed The Vitamin Press. “I mean think about it,” Sagebrush continued, “This guy is 29 years old and has never killed anyone, raped anyone, compromised national security by sleeping with an agent of the KGB, or had one of his children lobotomized to further his political career; are we really sure he’s a Kennedy?”
A spokesperson for the Kennedy clan, however, has assured The Vitamin Press that what the Joseph P. lacks in experience he makes up for in enthusiasm. “Ok sure he may be a little bit green around the gills but this kid has what it takes to make a great Kennedy. It’s a long time till November and he is just getting out there everyday and meeting people, shaking hands, kissing babies and planning just the sort of crime that would get anyone else locked up for the rest of their lives but will -in his case- establish his bonafides and assure him an elected position in the federal government forever. Besides . . . a little history here folks . . . remember that not even JFK came into the political arena knowing how to steal elections or make problem mistresses disappear, those were things Papa Joe had to teach him.”
Update: The Vitamin Press has just learned that Joseph P. Kennedy III will not be seeking congressional office this November. Our sources are confirming that he was not interested in pursuing any course of action that might deter from his goal of becoming Conan O’Brien’s stunt double when he moves to Fox this fall. Special thanks to La Lydia for bringing this most recent development to our attention.