Michael Moore to Portray Meghan McCain in Upcoming Biopic

Hollywood- After languishing away for years in development purgatory it appears that Hollywood might finally be moving forward with its long awaited biopic of celebrated politico “it girl” Meghan McCain.  Announcements were made today that a new director has been added to the project.  In addition producers have confirmed that famed documentary film maker, and world-renowned auteur,  Michael Moore will be portraying the platinum Pandora of poli/pocket-sci when she makes her transition from mere cellulite to the more fabulous celluloid.

Troubles have plagued the project since Warner Brothers bought the property in October of 1984.  Many industry insiders have questioned if the movie is even makable citing that adapting source material is nearly impossible when the subject of the movie’s action has never done anything at all in their entire life.  This opinion is, however, far from unanimous and famed director Fascist Ford Coppola cared to share a dissenting one “Look Seinfeld was a show about nothing and that ran for nine years.  And I’m pretty sure that, after the editing process, this movie won’t be anywhere near that long.   Besides if we are afraid to make movies about people who are famous precisely for their lack of accomplishments then how in the world are we ever going to make one about Obama?”

Other Hollywood experts are also pointing out that it has been a busy couple of years for Meghan.  Years in which the celebutante has done a couple of things.  As Miss McCain herself was kind enough to explain to The Vitamin Press “Over the last two years I have accomplished a lot of like things. I went to Columbia University and learned how to make paintings with my fingers and use macaroni noodles and paper plates to make art that gets put on the refrigerator in my parent’s house, I was an internalist on Saturday Night Live, I learned that my dad was John McCain and that we lived in Arizona, I became the first person to have a ghostwritten twitter account, I went all across this country campaigning for Borax Obama and -because it gets ever so lonely on the road- I got engaged in several one night stands and subsequently impregnated a number of unsuspecting peoples.”  But that wasn’t all.  There was more.  “And I’m like smart and take up a big tent.  I know about stuff that happened twenty or forty years before I was born.  You know like the French Revolution, I wasn’t even there and I know the French won it.  And I got street smarts in addition too you know.  It’s like Bob Denver once said: You don’t need to go to accuweather to know which way Paris Hilton . . .  and like BTW Paris is totally my BFF too.”

The Vitamin Press caught up with Michael Moore at the premier of his new movie Hypertension: A Love Story and shared a few words with the prodigious film polemicist in regards to his participation in this project.  Most notably we questioned Moore as to why he would star in a film that is to be a loving portrayal about the daughter of one of his political nemeses:

The Vitamin Press: Mr. Moore a lot of our readers are bound to wonder -and I must confess a bit of interest in this answer myself- why you took on this film role?

Micheal Moore:  Well you see when they offered me the role I thought they were, quite literally, offering me -you know- a role. . .  like a dinner role.  I was rather hungry at the time, as I often am, and immediately said yes and signed whatever they placed in front of me in hopes of getting my hands on what I thought was something to eat.  Much to my chagrin I later discovered what kind of role was meant and by then it was to late to opt out of the contract I had so unwittingly agreed to.

The Vitamin Press:  A common enough experience to be sure.

Michael Moore: Of course . . . of course.  I’m not the only person in America right now who knows what its like to experience a significant amount of buyer’s remorse.

The Vitamin Press: Does it at all give you pause to be portraying the daughter of a man whom you so thoroughly savaged during the last presidential campaign?

Michael Moore: No not really, not really at all.  What you have to understand about that was it was business.  I don’t really have anything against Senator McCain.  He is a fine man, a really fine man, and he would not have been so bad for the country.  But . . . what you’ve got to understand . . . is that he is almost a sorta . . . uh . . . Obama lite if you will and I think what this country needed was Obama heavy.  This long slow march away from capitalism and the sovereignty of the individual . . . it is well . . . it is boring.  We needed to change to be the hope we’ve been hoping to be changing for and we needed to destroy freedom and private ownership of property in this country straight away and not just dilly-dally away at it like, you know, like that ok.  And Obama, I believe, was the best man to accomplish that . . . is the best man to accomplish that.

The Vitamin Press: What, in your estimation, is the best part about playing Meghan McCain on the big screen?

Michael Moore:  I must say portraying Meghan McCain has been a wonderful experience and I was extremely pleased about being offered a movie role that didn’t require me to lose weight or shave.