Teleprompter 2.0 Released, Now with Pronunciation Guide

Washington- White House Press Secretary Barry Gibbs advised the Washington Press Corps, this morning, that the Teleprompter was recovering nicely and would be resuming its role as President of the United States by early tomorrow. There had been much concern over the health and mental status of the Teleprompter over the last few months as many -that is to say many in the alternative press- had began to notice that the Teleprompter was directing Official Teleprompter Spokesperson (OTS) Buraq Obama to mispronounce words such as orion (oar-ee-on), corps man (corpse man) and most recently highly offend a delegation of dignitaries from Phuket, Thailand. Shortly after the last fiasco George Soros made the decision that the Teleprompter be taken off-line so that the problem could be fully diagnosed and addressed.

After hours of diagnostic tests yesterday it was determined by lead surgeon -Dr. Baltimore, M.D.- that the issue did not lie with the Teleprompter at all but was rather due to OTS Obama’s limited talent with English – which is immediately understandable as it is the man’s second language.

To remedy this situation it was further decided, again by Soros, to upgrade the Teleprompter with a pronunciation guide and and subject Obama to a lengthy session of remedial education, similar to the one he was put through to teach him that there are not 57 states, George W. Bush did not serve three terms, the Presidential Inauguration is in January and not November, breathalyzers are not prescribed to treat asthma, it is improper etiquette to walk through windows or catch the White House on fire, there is no Mexican Holiday known as Cinco de Quatro, German -not Austrian- is the official language of Austria, the official oath of office (as transcribed from the U.S. Constitution), that even though dead people might vote for him he does not see them at Memorial Day Services, that Henry Ford did not invent the automobile, his father did not own a time machine and that he should not show fealty to foreign powers by bowing to their overlords.

Gibbs also informed those in attendance at the press conference that until the Teleprompter could again assume its duties and responsibilities the country was in good hands . . .  Joe Biden’s.