Nelson to Resign from Senate, Pursue Career in Acting
Nebraska- Ben Nelson returned to Nebraska earlier this week to announce his imminent resignation from the position he has held, as the states Junior Senator, since 2001. Though the news came as a shock to very few of his constituents Nelson declined to acknowledge the rampant speculation that this decision was largely in response to the politician’s plummeting popularity since voting “yes” on the Health Care Reform Bill in exchange for 100 million dollars. Nelson did inform those in attendance -at the hastily arranged press conference- that he was quitting primarily because he “wanted to spend more time” with his family and to pursue a life long goal of becoming an actor. The Vitamin Press has since learned that Nelson will not have to long of a wait before that dream comes true. It has also just been announced that famous Hollywood director James Cameron has been so inspired by the elder statesman’s story the he is in negotiations with the Senator and is planning to cast him in the role of aspiring male prostitute Joe Buck in his highly anticipated 500 billion dollar 3-D remake of Midnight Cowboy.