On the Occasion of Having Declined an Invitation to Join the Renewable Energies Club:

Recently I recieved the following letter in the mail:

Dear Mr. Hooker,

Energy is a mystery.  You flip a switch and it is there.  But have you ever stopped to consider, maybe this energy has to come from somewhere?  Well it does!  And that is so amazing.  Energy is also amazing.  It is an amazing mystery.

There are many theories about where energy comes from.  Some people think it might be magic.  Some people think it is science.  Whatever the cause of energy we know that there might not be a lot of it.  For example some energy comes from oil.  Oil is dug out of caves in Kentucky.  It is then heated until it becomes plasma and where it is then fit into a warp nacelle and then mixed yeast.  After sitting in a vat for 12 to 14 days it ferminists [sic] and becomes electricity.  Wow!

But there is a problem with oil.  It is radioactive.  No silly that doesn’t mean it will only power a boom box!  That means that it depletes the ozone layer and kills polar bears.  And ozone layer and polar bears are also important.  Without the ozone layer the polar  bears would have nothing to eat.  And without the polar bears, whom also live in Kentucky, there couldn’t climb into caves and turn into oil after they died.  So you understand now, if polar bears die there will be no more oil.

Oil is also what we can an non-unrenueterable resource.  That is a fancy way of saying it can’t be un-reneutered.  Without being able to un-reneutered then it can’t reproduce.  So when all of the oil is used up there will never be any more of it ever!!  Kinda like oysters.

Because oil is so bad we must make sure to not use it and because there isn’t very much of it left we must make sure to use it wisely so we can keep using it for a very long time.  That is what the Renewable Energy Club is all about!  We are looking into ways to solve that problem.  We also hope that you will join us in making that dream a reality!  Lets do it for the children!

Regards,

Todd Wihlems
Executive Director of The Renewable Energy Club

I responded:

Dear Mr. Wilhems,

Sadly I must decline your invitation. Thoughtful as it might be you see I do my best to drive the most fuel inefficient.  In this manner the aggregate amount of refined oil in surplus and excess is decreased (by as much as I can be expected to decrease it) and those Chinese fellows will have a much harder time using it to further their war machine and oppress the peoples of Tibet.  I’m sure you understand.  This I do for the children.

Regards,

Kip Hooker
The Vitamin Press