Lindsey Graham: I Won’t Let the Republican Party be Hijacked by the Constitution

Washington- With a recent reading of prepared statements before the Washington DC chapter of the Friends of Bill Owens fanclub, South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham made a few things perfectly clear.  Among these things were that “Thomas Jefferson is not the head of the Republican Party” and he “won’t stand idly by and let the party that Rockerfeller built get hijacked by the Constitution.”  Graham also went on to say “You know that election we had recently, you know that one in upstate New York, that shows we’ve got to build this into a big tent party.  But I think we’ve got to go further than that, if we really want to win elections then what we’ve got to do is trick voters.  We’ve got to confuse them so much that they have absolutely no idea what it is they can expect from the person that they are voting for and will have to rely on the eenie meenie miney moe method of electoral determination.  And the best way to do that is to make sure that there are no discernible differences between the two parties.”

Graham then fielded a number of questions before abruptly ending the Q&A portion of the event after being asked by a reporter from The Vitamin Press if the “eenie meenie miney moe” system could be engineered to produce a reliably knowable result based upon the order of candidate enumeration.  The normally stoic senator was visibly disturbed by the amount “disrespect” the questioner “displayed” and advised that the “weisenheimer” wouldn’t find it so funny once Graham started looking into “limiting the size of the carbon footprint your so-called news agency is allowed.”.

Graham then reclaimed the lighthearted mood of the event by revealing that he would be part of the cast for the upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars and had just finished taping an episode of The Jerry Springer Show in which the paternity of his well known love child, Mike Huckabee, would finally be revealed.  Fingers are crossed that John McCain is the father.