Erlich Wins Nobel Prize for “Population Bomb” Theory

Oslo, Norway- An American, Paul Erlich of The Stanford Butterfly Collector’s Club, was awarded the 2009 Nobel prize for his book positing the inevitability of a “population bomb” in his book of the same name.  Written in 1968 the epic scientific tome portends of a future in which population growth will far exceed the planets capacity to provide for resources enough to sustain humanity.  The book further predicted that the resultant rampant famine and boredom would lead to the starvation of trillions of people during the 1970’s and the end of all humanity no later than the spring of 1985.

Despite the failure of Erlich’s predictions to materialize and history’s verdict that his theories were the estimations of a moron many in the internationalist scientific community have become Erlich apologists -often referring to themselves as Erlichers- and have supposed the brilliance of his contribution was not in the details of any particular thoughts but rather in the method of frightening people into the abandonment of their self-sovereignty with those thoughts.  According to noted Greensleeves member and environmental activist Sage Pinebrush “Orwell may have taught us that the state can greatly benefit from convincing its subjects that 2 + 2 = 5, but it was [Paul Erlich] that showed us exactly how such convincing could, and should, be done.”

Former Vice President, amateur intellectual and part-time human being Lord Albert Gore Jr. share’s Pinebrush’s Malthusian enthusiasm. “This man’s life is an inspiration to anyone that wants to use fear and absurd sci-fi motiffs as a means of enacting rigid social control and the implementation of draconian measures of authority over all individuals to a government minded collective.  And the fact that this man is still around today publishing books and being taken seriously after his ideas have been so thoroughly discredited is truly an inspiration.  I only hope that my work in the realm furthering global warming awareness can complete the good deeds this man started four decades ago.”

Erlich was honored in a ceremony Wednesday night.  For his contribution to science and the advancement of the human condition the author was awarded two tickets to a live performance of Il Devo, a previously viewed DVD copy of the Ben Afflack/Jennifer Lopez vehicle Jigly, a case of New Coke and 1.4 million dollars.  For his part Erlich was excited about all the accolades and prizes and plans to spend the bulk of the 12 dollars of prize monies (remaining after taxes) on several pair of tin-foil underpants so that his enemies will not be able to read his thoughts.