Congress to Reinstate Draft in Effort to Bring About Health Care Reform

Washington- The road to comprehensive health care reform may be clearing up again after weeks of doubt, wrangling and obstructions had threatened the likelihood of its passing through committee and onto the floor of the House of Representatives for a full vote by that body.  Moments ago members of the Committee on Homefront Imperialism emerged from seclusion with an announcement that The Healthfare Reform Act of 2009 had passed through and would be the first item of business taken up after the House returned from its summer recess.

At the center of the debate impeding this bill, while in committee, was a provision requiring that every American carry health insurance.  Proponents of the plan offered that such steps were necessary while opponents deferred to the antiquated view that our bodies are not the property of the government to do with as they please or to compel the citizens of this country to insure as if they were.

This divergence of opinion remained the impetus of the political impasse until Congressman Henry Houseofwaxman received a letter from the Commissar of Media/Government Affairs -a quasi government entity recently created by a 126 billion dollar grant to General Electric/MSNBSC through the stimulas package.  Commissar Olbermench’s letter made the suggestion that if a question of the status of citizens bodies as their own private property remained such a status could be either abrogated or correctly quantified by a reinstatement of the draft.  This draft would effectively conscript every man, woman and child in the country into the service of the community health-care industry by re-categorizing their bodies as federal property and then leasing those bodies back to them for the cost of a yearly health care plan and their commitment to lead a governmentally mandated healthy lifestyle.

At the White House’s daily press briefing spokesman Barry Gibbs applauded and highlighted the congress’ actions as a perfect example of why the Supreme Court should be made up of more justices like Sonya Sotomayopic.  “A strict constructionist might very well disagree with congress’ actions today.  They might argue that it violates the 13th amendment’s restrictions on involuntary servitude.  You’ll get no such nonsense out of a believer in the Constitution as a living document who calls for its subjective interpretation based on their life experiences, favorite Backstreet Boy and international law.”