Archive For August 2009
Congress to Add “Flexible” Amendment to Constitution
August 31, 2009 by Walt Jameson, Section: Not Really the News, Comments (5)
Washington, D.C.- Congress men and women are working during recess to hammer out the first draft of a new, groundbreaking Constitutional amendment. Unlike the effort to draft previous amendments-to-be, […]
Dave Matthews Drops Greatest Hit on Boatload of Unsuspecting Tourists
August 30, 2009 by Kip Hooker, Section: Not Really the News, Comments (4)
Chicago- Five years ago, nearly one hundred Chicago boat tourists were treated to an unexpected, and no doubt unappreciated, gift from the members of The Dave Matthews Band. As […]
Authorities Question Suspect Involved in Planting Signs
August 16, 2009 by Kip Hooker, Section: Not Really the News, Comments (4)
Orlando Calrissian, Florida- Local authorities have a subject in custody whom they believe, once properly motivated, will admit to spreading posters of President Obama around the city. These posters, […]
O’Reilly Minion Ambushes Amanda Terkel; Terkel Grateful for Male Attention
August 9, 2009 by Kip Hooker, Section: Not Really the News, Comments (6)
California- The Vitamin Press has just learned that a little known blogger for Think Pogrom was recently attacked by dastardly Bill O’Reilly henchman, and aspiring baloonatic, Brian Austin Green. […]
Experts Warn: Barney Frank Unspoofable!
August 7, 2009 by Kip Hooker, Section: Not Really the News, Comments (3)
The Vitamin Press has never shied away from a story. Never in our 175 years of online existence have we found any topic to be too controversial, too sensational […]
Russia Sends Advanced Nuclear Subs to U.S. East Coast for Technology Scouting Mission
August 5, 2009 by Walt Jameson, Section: Not Really the News, Comments (2)
The Russian military has dispatched two of its most advanced nuclear submarines to the Atlantic Ocean, just off the east coast of the United States. While this move may […]
Dept. of Health and Human Services to Join Economic Battle
August 4, 2009 by Walt Jameson, Section: Not Really the News, Comments (2)
Washington, D.C.- The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) has been tasked by the Obama administration to join the struggle against the faltering economy. To prevent the current […]
Congress to Reinstate Draft in Effort to Bring About Health Care Reform
by Kip Hooker, Section: Not Really the News, Comments (2)
Washington- The road to comprehensive health care reform may be clearing up again after weeks of doubt, wrangling and obstructions had threatened the likelihood of its passing through committee and […]
CASH FOR PUNKERS
August 3, 2009 by Kip Hooker, Section: Not Really the News, Comments (1)
Washington- The White House officially announced today that former teen sensation and punk rock princess Avril Latrine would be serving as the nation’s first ever Commissar of Youth Affairs for […]