BREAKING NEWS: THE WORLD MAY NOT HAVE ENDED

Nowhere- Every school kid knows that the world ended on June, 30 1908 at 7:14 am – or did it? According to a controversial new theory developed and championed by Dr. Erich Von Freemason of Universe University, the world may not have ended, and may, in fact, still be in existence today.  Though virtually the entire scientific community scoffs at the notion as absurd, baseless, and without merit or proof, many are latching onto this movement and its growing popularity amongst the mainstream is hard to deny.

Dr. Baltimore, M.D. (also of Universe University) sees this trend as troubling. He explained to The Vitamin Press that these ‘existentialist extremists’, as followers of the theory often refer to themselves as, are bad for community moral, community well-being, and may even be guilty of crime think.

Despite the general criticism and scorn of his peers, Freemason is using every moment and venue available to explain to the world that the world exists. He has also issued a bold challenge to all of his detractors: debate him or concede defeat.

Former vice presidential candidate and amateur intellectual, Albert Gore Junior, is not impressed. “Everybody knows that the world ended on June 30, 1908 when one of Nikoli Tesla’s land speed experiments broke the sound barrier, and a UFO crashed into the Tunguska region of Siberia. It’s a fact. The science is settled; and if it were not true, how could it it be taught in every public school in this country? Besides, Dr. Freebird’s research is funded by the oil companies, and as everybody knows, they stand to make huge profits should the world turn out to be real.”. Gore was equally unimpressed with Freemason’s challenge. “Look, I’d love to have it out with the man, but how in the world could we have this debate being that it has been so thoroughly established that there is no world to have it in?”