Kenny Rogers Announces Trials For AIDS Vaccine

Boston- After nearly 75 years of hard research and laborious effort, the scientific community has finally announced that it will begin testing of a proposed AIDS vaccine this weekend. This proud and momentous event underscores a commitment to combatting this scourge in a way that many had come to question over the years.

Mortimer Snerd, an AIDS researcher with the Kenny Rogers Roaster Institute in Boston and developer of the vaccine, told The Vitamin Press that the clinical trails were a necessary step in determining if the vaccine would work to prevent the spread of AIDS. “If we don’t give the vaccine to people and then try to give them AIDS, well, there is just no knowing if the vaccine will keep them from getting AIDS. That is why these trials are so important.  That is why I am so important.”

Four test subjects will be given the vaccine this Friday and a fifth member will be issued a placebo. The group will then be sequestered for twelve hours to allow the vaccine to reach its full potential within the test hosts. These five subjects will then be shuttled to seedy hotel rooms where they will undergo what is being referred to as the AIS (AIDS Insertion Stage). The subjects will then be shuttled back to the Kenny Rogers Roaster Institute in Boston where they will be processed and released with instructions to return to the Institute 20 years from next Saturday to see if they’ve died. Fingers are crossed.