Chinese-Born Engineer Accused of Stealing Recipe for Space Ice Cream

Huntsville- Chinese born engineer, Dongfan “Greg” Chung, has been found guilty of stealing sensitive and proprietary information vital to the U.S. space program.  The ruling was issued by a federal judge in Huntsville, Alabama late this afternoon, and Chung has been remanded to a local McDonald’s parking lot while he awaits sentencing – a process which, experts advise, could be completed as early as next week.

Chung, who spent six days of his life last March working as an engineer on the shuttle program, was accused of printing out guarded information, sneaking that information home in an envelope marked “TOP SECRET NASA SECRETS DO NOT REMOVE OR READ ANY OF THIS!!!”, taking the information home, coding it into a secret code with a special Tom Corbitt Space Patrol coder ring, and then using carrier pigeons to fly the results to China.  Investigators further alleged that these secrets were used by the Chinese space program in an effort to beat the Americans in a race to the moon by using Space Ice Cream as a propellant because it  is safer than solid fuel, smells better than liquid fuel and can act as its own oxidiser.

Lawyers for Chung argued that these charges were absurd, noting that the Chinese could not beat the Americans to the moon as Americans first orbited it in December of 1968 and were walking its surface by June of the next year.

“Gorgeous” George Lucas of the Chinese Space Authority concurred with the defence attornies and advanced his own thoughts on the incident.  ”It is silly to say that China would steal secrets from NASA.  What could we possibly learn from NASA? The Chinese Space Authority is perfectly capable of putting a man into low earth orbit and  monitoring his use of the Lisa Nowak method once he is up there..”