Breaking News: Sarah Palin Confesses to Being Six Flags “Mr. Six”

Breaking News: The Vitamin Press has been investigating for two years the secret identity of the old, dancing man on the Six Flags Theme Park commercials widely known as “Mr. Six”. Thousands of anonymous tips had led to a fruitless search for 18 months until a source within the Six Flags company who would only refer to himself as Buns Buggy sent us pay stubs and dressing room photos revealing the true identity of Mr. Six to be former Republican Vice Presidential hopeful Sarah Palin. Unfortunately, due to the graphic nature of the photos, they were unfit for publication and will not be publicly revealed by the Vitamin Press.

Six Flags Theme Parks "Mr. Six"

When questioned by the Vitamin Press regarding Mrs. Palin’s alter-ego, her aids responded that the thought of such a thing was “preposterous”. However, this morning, an anonymous caller contacted the Vitamin Press, claiming to know about Mr. Six’s secret identity. When Vitamin Press staff asked if the caller had actually seen Mr. Six removing his makeup after a Six Flags commercial, the caller replied, “You Betcha!”. On a hunch, our staff member changed the subject to drilling for oil and hunting large arctic beasts, at which time the caller accidentally revealed herself to be Sarah Palin. Once she realized her identity had been revealed, she also confessed to being Mr. Six.

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin

During the exclusive telephone interview that followed with Mrs. Palin, many questions were answered. She revealed that her true life ambition was to dance around on television wearing fancy clothes and saying ridiculous things. While being Mr. Six afforded her this opportunity on a seasonal basis, her ambition drove her to want more, leading her to run for Vice President of the United States. When unsuccessful, she decided to leave politics, resign her office as governor of Alaska, and pursue her acting career full time. Currently, she is in negotiations to play Alan W. Livingston’s Bozo the Clown character in a new syndicated television series starting in the fall of 2010.