Our Exclusive Almost Interview with Dick Cheney

A DIFFERENT SECRET LOCATION- The Vitamin Press recently caught up with former Vice President Dick Cheney and spoke with him about how his time out of office has been.  Cheney first shot us in the face and then made us put our underwear over our heads, but when he saw how much we enjoyed these activities, his partially robotic heart softened a bit and he agreed to answer our questions. By this time, however, we were so involved in begging him to tie us down and pour water onto our faces that no attempts at serious journalism were made.