Archive For July 2009
BREAKING NEWS: THE WORLD MAY NOT HAVE ENDED
July 30, 2009 by Kip Hooker, Section: Not Really the News, Comments (0)
Nowhere- Every school kid knows that the world ended on June, 30 1908 at 7:14 am – or did it? According to a controversial new theory developed and championed […]
Kenny Rogers Announces Trials For AIDS Vaccine
July 29, 2009 by Kip Hooker, Section: Not Really the News, Comments (1)
Boston- After nearly 75 years of hard research and laborious effort, the scientific community has finally announced that it will begin testing of a proposed AIDS vaccine this weekend. […]
Entire Town In Poland Disappears, Revlon Representatives Held For Questioning
July 28, 2009 by Kip Hooker, Section: Not Really the News, Comments (1)
Poland- The Vitamin Press has learned that all of the citizens of the small Polish town of San Polackistanisisco have disappeared. Authorities in the region are at a loss to […]
More on Rights (But not rights for morons)
by Kip Hooker, Section: Political Commentary, Comments (0)
If we assume that rights are imparted by will of the state, then we’ve permitted that state authority to ablate them.
BHO: Role Model for All Fathers
July 27, 2009 by Kip Hooker, Section: Political Commentary, Comments (0)
Not all that recently, renowned Senator -and famed BFF of John Sinister McCain- Lindsay Graham remarked that Obama is the alpha role model, and that all us fathers should aspire […]
What Would Chuck Norris Do
July 26, 2009 by Kip Hooker, Section: Political Commentary, Comments (3)
As goes the 2nd Amendment, so goes the Constitution. PS- I originally had this kick ass picture here. Chuck Norris was standing in front of an American flag and he […]
Off the Road
July 25, 2009 by Kip Hooker, Section: Not Really the News, Comments (2)
Hollywood- Trouble again found the already harried movie adaptation of the Jack Kerouac masterpiece On the Road. Vitamin Press insiders have learned that only hours ago director Joel Schumacher was dismissed from the […]
Chinese-Born Engineer Accused of Stealing Recipe for Space Ice Cream
July 24, 2009 by Kip Hooker, Section: Not Really the News, Comments (1)
Huntsville- Chinese born engineer, Dongfan “Greg” Chung, has been found guilty of stealing sensitive and proprietary information vital to the U.S. space program. The ruling was issued by a federal […]
Paris is Preggers!
by Kip Hooker, Section: Not Really the News, Comments (5)
Hollywood- The Vitamin Press has learned that famous celebutant and part time human being, Paris Hilton, is pregnant with a child. Hilton, who portrayed Rudy Huxtable for eight seasons on […]
Sunset for Twilight Star
July 22, 2009 by Kip Hooker, Section: Not Really the News, Comments (5)
Hollywood- Shock rang through Hollywood today as teenage heart-throb and star of the Twilight series of movies, Evan Dando, was fired while filming scenes for the upcoming sequel Dusk […]